Waiting Well

So many of us ladies, myself included, have been in a time of waiting. As little girls, we dream of who Prince Charming will be, when he will come, and when we will be married. We long to be cherished, seen, and loved. The human heart was created to love, to be loved, to be seen, and to be known. The period of waiting is different for everyone. Some wait years upon years, some only wait a short amount of time, and some even lose hope in finding the one and give up when it seems he’ll never come. Yet we all have one thing in common; how do we learn to wait “well” whether we wait months or even years? What does it even mean to wait well? What does it look like for God to be first the fulfillment of our longing to love and be loved before entering a relationship with any guy? Why is it even important that we first love Him and be loved by Him? In this blog, we dive into what it looks like to wait well, why it’s important, and what happens when we don’t wait well. 

Ever since I was a little girl something in me knew that I wanted to be married. I wanted to marry someone, have kids and a family, and live life to the fullest. It was part of my heart's desire because I knew, “God loves family and if he loves family, then I want to have one myself.” Growing up I was never allowed to date due to the rule of the house that was set until we were 18 years old. All the while, my heart in the period of waiting, was just learning to be who I was, grow more in love with Jesus, know the standards I had and knew were important, and just wait. 18 came and left, same with 19-22 and now I find myself at 23 learning even more the importance of waiting well to a higher level than I have in the previous years since turning 18. The waiting isn’t a passive waiting, it’s an active waiting. What does that even mean? How well we wait is based on how active we are in the waiting. Waiting well doesn’t mean we passively wait on when God will bring that person into our lives and do nothing to grow in our relationship with Him in that process. It doesn’t mean we actively pursue every person we think could be the one in hopes of helping this process along. An active waiting is a life given to Him every single day. A life given to loving Him more and being loved by Him. It’s a life given to His timing over every day of our lives. It’s a life given to knowing that no one and no thing could ever satisfy the deepest longing in our hearts to be loved, seen and known. It’s a life given in surrender. It’s a life given to actively pursue God first. We need Him now in our singleness, we will need Him in our “getting to know” someone phase, we will need Him in the dating/courting process, we will need Him in the engagement time, and we will forever need Him all throughout our marriage. In order to ever love someone and to step into what He has given us fully, we first need Him at the center of us. Someone who is actively waiting is actively pursuing God in the secret place. They realize the importance of waiting well with God in the secret place. 

In all my years of waiting (so far) I’ve learned the importance of active waiting. There have been so many things during this time that God has begun to reveal and heal. I’m a 9 on the enneagram and for those who know anything about 9’s, we hate conflict and confrontation. We often lose our voices. We love to keep the peace, but that also means keeping silent when needing to speak up in order to keep it. We internalize things, we can be passive aggressive. The list goes on. There are a lot of unhealthy things I do that I know I cannot bring into my marriage one day. And let me get this straight; there will be things I still work through even in my marriage. This doesn’t mean I have to be or will be perfect before entering into a relationship or getting married. Don’t read what I’m not saying here. These days in my singleness are days I'm learning to be an even healthier version of myself, not just for marriage, but because God cares deeply about my heart and my life. This doesn’t just go for relationships with our future spouses, but even for those friendships/relationships we have in our lives right now. God is actively revealing these things to me in order to rid me of myself. This only happens when I actively pursue Him every day in the secret place. 

So what happens when we passively wait? I’ve found myself in this place a few times. It’s like being in a room but not being in a room. You can be physically there, but then not mentally be there. For me, I’ve found myself just passive and doing nothing to pursue God in the waiting. Passively pursuing God is something I’ve always had to stop, realize, and realign again. What does passive waiting even look like? This can be different for everyone, and the best person to ask is the Holy Spirit. I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what areas/how I am passively waiting. In the past, passive waiting has looked like neglecting my secret time with God, it’s looked like being more worried about my future, and not allowing Him to heal certain parts of my life and heart. When I passively wait, I realize I’m more open to settling for less than what God has for me. 

Living a life connected to Him first is the most important thing in our lives. This goes for everything in our lives, not just for this conversation. We cannot be the healthiest versions of ourselves without a relationship with Him. A life connected to Him lives open-handed with all that He gives and takes. The way I see it is like this: I have my two hands in front of me. One hand holds onto every word He says about me, who I am, and what I mean to Him. In that hand also lies everything I know to be true about Him. I close that hand and I never open it. I cling to all the truth that lies in that hand. On my other hand lies everything He has given to me. That hand remains open. all. the. time. I’m never allowed to close that hand or try to transfer anything over to the closed hand. He is free to take/give whatever He pleases because I live a life connected to Him first. I remain open-handed to everything He wants to give or take from my life because I’ve established a relationship with Him first. Psalm 16:2 says, “I said to the Lord, “You are my Master. Every good thing I have comes from you.” Part of what it looks like to wait well for me is exactly this. “You are Lord over my life, everything good I have comes from You. You are my portion and my cup forever. Only You can ever satisfy me and my longing to be loved. No one else can. Not a job, not a life without you, and not my future spouse.” He first wants a relationship with us. He wants to be everything to us. Our future spouses were never created to complete us. They were created to compliment us. There’s a big difference between the two. God knows exactly the type of person that is good for you. It may look very different from what we expect for our own lives. Different from what we dreamed about. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to settle for second best when I can have His best for me. Can He really be the fulfillment of our hearts in the waiting? 

The waiting can feel discouraging at times. Even after this conversation, we may realize areas where we haven’t waited well. Maybe we see areas where we’ve been passive and not active. I’m here to tell you; it’s okay. It’s so simple to realign ourselves with Him again. So today, just invite Him in. Ask Him to show you those areas and just walk it out with Him. Realize and realign. May your heart be filled with hope. It’s worth waiting for His best, because when it comes, it makes you value that time of waiting even more.